The complexity of Invitation (part 2)
My previous blog argued that invitation is a spiritual practice with enormous missional potential. Invitation (or word-of-mouth promotion) is the most potent marketing tool imaginable because it leverages the trust that exists within a relationship. In addition, Jesus demonstrated invitation, as did his followers.
So, invitation can be a powerful force, but that doesn’t make its implementation a straightforward exercise. As a young youth pastor, I learned, through a lot of trial and error, that harnessing the power of invitation requires several interrelated factors.
These are: a basic missional theology, the understanding that an event or program has been developed for the express purpose of invitation, trust that the said event would be ‘cringe-free,’ and power of accountability.
Let’s explore each of these in turn.
A basic theology of mission
Firstly, my young people needed some missional theology. It was not too much of a stretch for them to believe that the gospel was good news for them, personally. It was a greater challenge for them to appreciate that God’s radical love and forgiveness was also good news for their unchurched friends (accepting this, of course, is to go against an enormous amount of ‘you do you’ type cultural pressure). The other challenge was for them to see that God had perfectly placed them amongst a certain group of friends and family that no other Christian had such unique access to.
The gospel travels over bridges of human friendship. But in order for it to do so, we need to believe both that this good news isn’t just for us and that our significant relationships are bridges that God wants to use.
The Love Your Neighbour team put it this way:
“What is the mechanism by which people from the community are going to experience church family from the inside out?
The answer is you. You are the pathway by which others will be led in to experience the church family.”
2. Clear communication about who events are for.
I spoke at Spring Camp a few years ago about the chaos that ensued when some of my young people began inviting their bogan mates to all possible events.
More often, however, my challenge was the opposite: that no invitation happened at all. I learned that there was no limit to the number of events and programs that Christian young people assumed had been put on just for them. Bible studies were for them, youth nights were for them, youth services were for them, and camps and social events were for them.
Because everything was for them, the only decision that needed to be made was whether they would show up to said event.
In my opinion, it's not just young people who do this. A few years ago, a few mates of mine set up a craft beer evening for young dads. Their hope was that it would be a safe place for Christians to invite their unchurched mates. It turns out, though, that the people the young dads felt most comfortable inviting were other Christians. The group grew, and invitations were given, but mostly to fellow Christians. And it turned out that there were plenty of Christian guys in their twenties and thirties who liked drinking beer and eating chicken. Especially given that a number of us were ‘professional Christians’, it wouldn’t be uncommon in our gatherings to overhear conversations about huddles, vestries, and church politics.
When we had a ‘culture night’ a few months ago to revisit the vision of the group, one of the guys, in a moment of courageous transparency, responded, “I don’t think I’d invite my unchurched mates to this. There’s too much church talk that goes on. I’m afraid they feel weird or excluded.”
So, a group established to be a safe place for unchurched folk had become, at least, according to one guy, the opposite.
I’m convinced that without a theology of mission AND some careful communication about invitation, your people, too, will assume that they are the target of any event you decide to put on. If you want it to be known that they are not, in fact, the target audience, you will need to be clear and persistent. Regular reminders like, “Next Tuesday evening is our BBQ night. Remember, this was the thing we decided that our unchurched friends might like to come to. How is the inviting going?” will likely be essential.
3. Cringe-free events
When it came to my young people and invitation, a theology of mission and regular reminders about the importance of invitation were important. But by themselves, they usually were not enough to prompt them to actually do the hard work of inviting their friends.
It took me a while to understand why this was. To most teenagers, inviting a friend to a Christian event was a small exercise in ego death. It was to A) out oneself as a Christian and B) open oneself to the possibility that the friend might reject the invitation.
These two were no surprise to me. What I hadn’t realised was that there was a C); to invite was to put one’s own reputation on the line. What my young people seemed to be terrified of most was not that the event that the friend came to might be ‘Christian’ but that it might be LAME.
Charles Arn writes about this phenomenon when launching a new church service. “Most people won't invite a friend to a service unless they are fairly sure of what will happen and decide it will not jeopardise their relationship”.
The word ‘jeopardise’ is a striking one. I mentioned in the last blog that invitations leverage the trust that exists in a relationship. Thus, all the encouragement to invite and all the missional theology in the world will not help people extend invitations to their friends if the events themselves are cringe-inducing.
Getting this wee pearl of wisdom from my young people involved some persistence on my part and some courage on theirs. We managed to make some progress on the issue of invitation when I started to ask young people for help in planning and then promoting events. It seemed to count for more when one of my more committed and influential young people stood up and said, “We’re going to play laser tag and eat a whole lot of pizza on Saturday. You should bring a friend.”
4. Accountability
In theory, a simple missional theology, a clear challenge to invite, and the knowledge that events will be cringe-free should be enough for a culture of invitation to take root. In reality, despite the importance of all of these components, you’re unlikely to develop a culture of invitation without a good dose of accountability.
Church leaders often seem to want to avoid this. Perhaps, as Howard Webb suggests, we fear creating a legalistic or coercive church culture. Yet, those with experience in creating disciples know that it all falls over without accountability. Webb writes
“Our temptation as leaders is to avoid introducing the accountability that is required to ensure that our people keep growing both in personal holiness and in missional effectiveness… Yet, this kind of accountability within a safe, grace-filled, and trusted circle is what every true disciple craves.”
The key obstacle to the implementation of spiritual disciplines, claims Ken Morgan, is human nature.
“We don’t do what’s obviously good for us because we just don’t feel like it.”
Bill Hull, author of ‘The Disciple-making Pastor, agrees
“What would students learn without exams? What work would get done without deadlines? Why does behavior change when the teacher leaves the room? The answer is simple: It’s the nature of human nature.
Spiritual maturity without accountability is a canard… Accountability is to the Great Commission what tracks are to a train.”
You’ll be unsurprised to hear that this is exactly what happened with my young people. Buy-in, missional theology, and a clear challenge to invite were important, but we only began to develop an invitational culture when we introduced it as an issue for accountability. I added some simple questions like “Who are you praying for? Who will you invite to the pizza night?” to our small groups.
This actually had several additional benefits. The moment a young person mentioned the name of the person they were praying for/planning to invite, leaders and other young people could keep asking about that person. In other words, we were increasingly invested in the specifics of one another’s discipleship. There were cheers all round when a young person finally plucked up the courage to give an invite, and there was great rejoicing when the person who had been prayed for for months turned up an event.
Getting invitation to work is complex because a number of interrelated factors are involved. Christians need to see the missional purpose of invitation, know that events exist that their friends can be brought to, and trust that those events will be safe and cringe-free before they will seriously consider inviting an unchurched friend. Additionally, more often than not, it is accountability that will motivate the ‘would-be-inviter’ to actually do the mahi.
Sources: How to start a new service, Charles Arn; Redemptive Family devotional and workbook, A Love Your Neighbour resource; Redemptive Family, Howard Webb; The Disciple-Making Pastor, Bill Hull; Pathways: Local Mission for all kinds of Chuches, Ken Morgan.